“Fifty Shades Of Fucked Up”
A Beginner's Guide To Energy Work
With Sex Abuse Survivors
Working With Sex Abuse Survivors: The First Challenge
Working with sex abuse survivors presents interesting challenges on many different levels.
The first is the “OMG ...” reflex response in those who are to treat them.
Where do you feel that in your body ... show me with your hands ...
Whether you are a 50 yourself, or whether you are not and have no conception of what the world for a 50 might be like, we are deeply entrained to think of sex abuse survivors and particularly child sex abuse survivors as ...
It is thought that sex abuse is the greatest disaster, the most horrendous cataclysm and the ultimate catastrophe which could ever befall a person.
This is reinforced in every way, directly and by pre-supposition.
Paedophiles are the most hated of all offenders in the system and have to be segregated from the general community of murderers and other criminals ...
The sheer “terribleness” of the offences reflects back on the victims of these offences and they do not only have to deal with their own injuries and wounds because of the original attacks, but then with never ending “friendly fire” of outrage and high, high emotional charges thrown at them as people cry, “This is so DISGUSTING what happened to poor you ... it is HIDEOUS ... HORRIBLE ... UNSPEAKABLE ...”
The victim absorbs this, takes it into themselves and repeats it back ... I am disgusting, I am hideous, I am horrible ... I am unspeakable ... and irretrievably damaged ...
Now let us stop for a moment and lay down the first law.
Talking about this is never going to help anyone at all.
We need to stop freaking out when this topic comes to the table and instead, start thinking logically, cleanly, systemically.
The concept of energy, and of people having energy bodies, is the absolute solution to the problem at hand.
It gives us a logical, structural view point of the situation.
It gives us the concept of evolution - forward movement out of stuck states of being and into a NEW state of being.
It gives us leverage over experiences, over memories, and most of all, over emotions.
And working with the energy system gives us also the wonderful concept of “extreme personalisation.”
As a general rule of thumb, the earlier the events took place, the more extreme the personalisation of the energy system becomes.
As the energy events cause blockages, injuries and reversals in the energy system, the major flows have to get routed AROUND these problem ereas so that person can still eat, drink, walk, talk or whatever else they need to do to survive.
This re-routing of the pathways in the energy system leads to “unusual” thoughts, emotions and behaviours.
A simple example would be someone with an energetic injury sustained at an early age which relates to leaving the house by the front door.
Depending on the severity of this, the “normal behaviour” of just getting up, walking to the door, opening it, and stepping outside doesn't work.
The person has to do something different in order to get out of the house.
They might have to use the back door, or climb out of a window.
Or they might have to drink three glasses of whiskey first, then count backwards slowly from 66, flick the light switches on and off 6 times each, recite a prayer and walk out of the door backwards.
To a “normal bystander” this looks and feels “really crazy” but it is simply the behavioural evidence of the “normal pathways” being blocked and a person doing the best they can, in mind, body and spirit, to somehow manage to complete the task of getting out of the house.
There is really, nothing crazy about it.
In fact, you will find if you work with the energy system, that even the most bizarre seeming effects of this personalisation, this re-routing, are ABSOLUTELY LOGICAL in the way they work out in each and every single individual.
The sexual circuitry is the most primal, basic and powerful of all the flows in the energy system.
Because of this, damage in that circuitry affects absolutely everything else - there is not one single aspect of life which remains untouched when the sexual circuitry is blown, injured, disrupted or malfunctioning in some way.
Reflect for a moment on the diagram of the two paths out of the house to go to work in the morning, and the differences between them.
We have some very important and basic things here to understand.
Understanding 50s: The Basics
The first is that people who have a relatively well functioning energy body which has no serious disruptions of this nature find it virtually impossible to understand why someone might make “such a big deal” out of a simple thing such as walking out of the house to go to work in the mornings.
This is because for them, it is easy and straightforward.
They do not appreciate just how much ADDITIONAL ENERGY AND WILLPOWER is required to make that second energy draining, convoluted path even happen in the first place.
If you think of that path in terms of an energy movement through the energy body, I think you can gain a sense of just how difficult it is to be wired like that.
How much energy it saps to operate a system like that for any given task.
How one really needs all kinds of strange strategies to get anything done at all.
How hard that is, especially in the long run.
Where is the energy coming from to power this system?
And even if there is a big build up of energy, can it even be used in a system such as this?
We have to say, probably not. With all that cross wiring, TOO MUCH ENERGY would blow that whole fragile system apart.
This tells us some further really important things about dealing with the 50s.
The most important of those is that they are much, MUCH stronger and much more powerful than they perceive themselves to be.
If a person with wiring like that is even alive and sane enough to present themselves before you, they really are not just survivors of some plane crash in their time line.
Ever since then, they have struggled for basic survival to a degree that is completely inconceivable to someone who has not had such experience, does not have that wiring.
I cannot over-state this point, it is so, so important for the 50s to know that all their various “madnesses” and especially, their ongoing “failures” to be like the other people and to do like them is neither madness, nor failure.
They have succeeded to stay alive. They know what it takes out of them to do the simplest things, and they also know there are many things that they cannot do in the state they're in.
They may have given up hope; you can trust that they are absolutely EXHAUSTED from the daily and nightly struggles with a system that has little power in it, and that has to be shored up, protected, and fed in some shape or form all the time to avoid a total systemic collapse.
This brings us to the next point, and I call that the “absolute amnesty.”
In order to run a system that had to re-route around the major power centres and was therefore chronically low on energy, sometimes for years, decades even, the 50s had to be inventive.
They had to use whatever they could to feed the system.
drugs and self medication;
pain, pleasure and experience management;
high (and energetically expensive, sometimes dangerous) shielding against all manner of things that may well be regarded as beneficial by the normal crowd;
all manner of avoidance behaviours;
highly unusual mental strategies, ways of thinking and dealing with internal representations;
complex rituals and behaviours regarding relationships;
including avoiding high positive energy charges which the system cannot handle.
In this very structural, logical list there lurk all manner of “horrors” and “madness” as it was perceived by the person themselves at the time; is probably still perceived as such. There are also illegal activities involved, as well as activities which would lead to hospitalisation if they were ever known by third parties.
When I use the term “total amnesty” I really mean that from the moment that person steps up to you, first of all we as the practitioners grant this total amnesty, unconditionally, in our own minds, bodies and energy systems.
That we should look upon that person and say to ourselves, “Whatever happened in the past, that is over now. There was a cause and effect and this came from the energy system.
“We are going to do our damnedest here to create an evolution, a new future and that's what we must concentrate on.
“Whatever you did, or whatever you did not do, is now irrelevant; you did what you had to do to survive.
“Now let us move forward.”
We don't want to feel sorry for the person.
We most certainly do not want to judge them (There, but for the grace of God ...)
We want to hold an absolute future orientation.
This is what gives a person the space to relax a little.
Hopefully, in due course, they will begin to feel about themselves the way you do and will grant themselves that total amnesty too.
Where Do We Start?
When you are dealing with a highly personalised energy system where cause and effect are as yet entirely unknown, and literally anything could happen, plus where the status quo, that daily dance on the knife's edge is of course protected above all else, where do we start?
I got the answer spontaneously in a moment when I was dealing with just such a person in a profound crisis.
My conscious mind, my therapist's mind, failed - it was too overwhelming just how much suffering there was, just how much everything was in disarray.
When that happens, I turn to my energy mind, and my energy mind said this to the person:
Place your own
on your own
with the gentleness
and with exquisite care
you would afford
a tiny frozen bird
there on your doorstep.
With your gentle
speak in your touch
of warmth and love
of your desire
to make whole
what once was broken,
of your desire and your will
to right what once was wronged.
I will do
what I can
my little love.
I am here for you.
For sure, I am no angel
but what I have to give,
I give to you.
Silvia Hartmann, 2003
As true energy mind communications do, this tells us much more than I could explain in a thousand linear words.
I'll briefly highlight the main points.
ANY energy we can give it, ANY healing we can give to the Heart Centre will reflect in more power to that person, more stabilisation, and the beginning of a rejuvenation of the entire energy system.
This is why we put the Heart Healing position into Energy EFT; this poem and this occasion is where that came from.
This is a huge concept for many people who feel they are so broken, have nothing to give, think themselves weak. Especially in the context, this healing coming from YOUR OWN HANDS and not from anyone else, is HUGE.
We humans are given to think that when there's a HUGE problem, we need a huge bomb to solve it. The energy system is not like that. Especially the highly personalised energy system of a 50 is a very, very FRAGILE thing. We need to treat it with exquisite care and tenderness, not go in with all guns blazing. Gently, gently, does it.
That last paragraph, “for sure I am no angel ...” is also important. None of us are angels. None of us are fault free or perfect. This being so, how can we have a competition of who is slightly less or more perfect, and what is perfect anyway?
The concept of the high personalisation of the energy system comes from last paragraph.
“What I have to give, I give to you” is also extremely important.
It holds the concept that no one person truly can take responsibility for all the ills and pains of another person.
In the case of a 50, we can feel so overwhelmed and inadequate as healer because we sense that it is beyond us to heal an entire incarnation.
That is not a reason to be crying, however; it is simply the truth.
This one person here before you has a path of their own and they will meet many more people. You are but one of them; and it is simply incumbent upon you to try and give them what YOU have to give.
Nothing more, nothing less.
If and when you do that, you will have given that person the most priceless gift ever.
You have given them ... YOU.
So that is where we start, with the basic concepts of Heart Healing, and the simply act of placing both hands on the heart of energy and breathing deeply, just this once, just for a moment.
We want to teach this and make sure our person knows to use this in a moment of crisis; but also when they are feeling better or even good, to take that moment when there is some power and USE IT TO POWER THE HEART.
If your person walks away with nothing but that, you will have already made a huge, huge difference to that person's life from that moment forth.
Of course, we are hoping for more.
But it all starts with the heart of energy, the lion heart, that which gives us strength and hope, that which will allow us and the people we deal with to come to life and start to love again, in a whole new way.
Basic Tips For Working With 50s
I hope that you have noticed that we are building a place of safety here and a set of pre-suppositions which, if they are in place, will allow all and any form of treatment to proceed.
In this final part, some basic tips. If you stay with these, you can't go wrong, no matter how personalised that energy system before you has become.
1. Don't be afraid to be a hard core energist.
50s know all about emotion and energy. They are the absolute experts on the power of those sensations that have no physical origin, and when you give them the words we use they will be simply delighted and so relieved that they now have a language in which to describe their experiences.
Not just that, the very systemic and structural, logical talk about the energy system, the 6th sense, the emotions, the psychosomatic pain gives 50s exactly that LOGIC back they need to stop thinking of themselves as untrustworthy and insane, and thus the motivation to really get to work.
50s can be the very best, most amazing clients in every way you would ever hope to meet because of that. They KNOW this is survival stuff and they will work with you in a way that is quite different from other types of clients.
2. Don't dumb it down, take your time and explain properly.
Let go of your own reversals about being an energist and talk to 50s as though they were future energy practitioners in training. Don't shy away from the high concepts or taking an hour to teach the aspects model from the ground up. The more structure you can provide, the more logical you can be, the more the person consciously understands, the better.
3. Focus on the body.
This is really of the essence for so many different reasons. Nobody wants to talk about the horrors that have happened to them or the nightmares they have found themselves in, but no clients less so than 50s. They don't want to tell and we don't want to hear it either.
It's your royal road DIRECTLY to the energy disturbances and injuries. Doesn't matter what modality you use, once you know where they feel that “everlasting pain that never goes away” in their body, you can put your healing hands on it; you can let your Reiki flow into it; you can do EMO on it; you can use the EFT body protocol on it.
Once the most severe pain recedes and the worst injuries have started to evolve and heal, the talking comes back. That's natural and good, and when it happens like that, the person wants to tell and you want to listen, too.
With some people, the talking never comes back and that is perfectly fine also.
The golden rule is the less talking about who, why, where, when, how, and all the rest, the better.
In this way, we also get to treat those things a person could never talk about at all, and our healing is completely unconditional, simply structural and systemic.
Doing the right thing according to the laws of nature and of the great Creative Order, as it were.
4. Teach the person about stress.
Make sure the person is very familiar with the stress chart and understands that their greatest madnesses, weird thoughts, fantasies and dreams MEAN NOTHING other than that their system is under too much stress.
General, daily stress reversal to good energy flow is of the essence for that long term project of re-wiring the person so they can flow more energy, have new and better experience in the future.
In the context of energy body stress, I am talking about the SUE scale which has the positive wing and essentially says if you're not at +10, you're still stressed.
For all clients and most certainly the 50s as well, make sure you develop positive energy anchors, single word evocations which bring POSITIVE energy into their systems.
5. Remember the energy flow.
This means that getting more energy flow through the person's system is the first and only objective.
We can get better energy flow in many other ways than “just always healing trauma.”
It can be extremely helpful to have sessions with a 50 where all you do is to focus on what they are already very good at, exceptional, gifted, and to take those positives and make them shine more, really get the energy flow ramped up.
This lifts the entire system but is also a very good antidote to years of experiences of failure and misery; you are essentially building the beginnings and the examples of the NEW experiences that person didn't even know existed.
If you make those positive experiences your goal for each and every session, to hold the intention of creating a star experience for this person, you can't go wrong with any client - including a 50.
Don't be afraid of the 50s. They are without a doubt amongst the most interesting people you will ever meet.
Working with them is exciting and can be indescribably moving.
“Moving” means that you are having energy experiences which you would never have had if that person didn't present themselves to you.
Especially if you're not a 50 yourself, by working with those who are, you'll gain more than just information and extraordinary experiences.
You gain insights, threshold shifts and wisdom. It will make you a better person; and it doesn't mean you have to spectacularly succeed with every one you try to help.
To be given a practitioner who doesn't judge them, who doesn't need to hear the story in excruciating detail again, who doesn't regard them with pity or horror, who pays attention and holds that thought, “For sure, I am no angel, but what I have to give, I'll give to you,” is a revelation in and of itself.
If you can bring it down to just being you, and giving what you have to give, you have everything to change lives in a way that was previously inconceivable.
For GoE Conference November 2012